7:00 - Wake up
7:05 - Prepare Hubby's lunch
7:15 - Make breakfast (eggs and toast)
7:35 - change Andy, dress him in warmer clothes
7:45 - eat while feeding Andy oatmeal
8:00 - Feed Andy bottle
8:20 - Fold laundry
8:35 - Lay Andy down for nap, continue laundry
8:45 - shower
9:00 - Andy awake
9:05 - bathe Andy
9:20 - pour second cup of coffee
9:25 - feed Andy pears
9:40 - Flip through cookbooks, take photos of recipes with phone
10:00 - Lay Andy down for nap
10:10 - Make snack
10:15 - call cable company
10:40 - sweep floors/pick up trash
11:00 - wash dishes
11:15 - mix/bake meatballs
12:05 - meatballs in slowcooker
12:10 - wash pan from meatballs, and coffee pot
12:15 - take out trash
12:20 - check on Andy
12:25 - begin writing this blog
Stay at home mothers don't do real work, right?
It's not like we have a job or anything.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Being a Zombie
Becoming a mother isn't all happiness and roses. It was never my aspiration in life to run around wiping up shit, and holding a bottle into a mouth for hours of the day. I've been thrown into a deep depression that brings on thoughts of our mortality because bringing life into this world made me realize that before I knew it my own would end.
I found this article wonderful for those reasons.
http://www.renegademothering.com/2013/02/09/i-became-a-mother-and-died-to-live/
I found this article wonderful for those reasons.
http://www.renegademothering.com/2013/02/09/i-became-a-mother-and-died-to-live/
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Formula = pharmaceutical companies
You plan on your entire pregnancy to breast feed. It's in your heart, you've attended breast feeding classes. Then at birth your child is rushed to the NICU. He/She is too weak to breast feed. So you pump. You pump and pump but not enough milk is dropping fast enough, and your precious breast feeding dream gets delayed. The baby needs formula.
What formula is given? Similac Advanced.
Now the question is why?
My battle with Similac started when I was pregnant. It's very close to the same war I've had with Enfamil. One day I received full size containers of formula in the mail. I did not sign up for them and had intended on breast milk only.
Any mother who has breast fed knows that it's hard. And what could possibly be more tempting at 4am when you've had no sleep, your baby is starving and no end is in sight? That container of formula you tried to forget that you have.
My baby was transfered to a NICU away from the hospital I gave birth at, so I went home as quickly as possible. I used a manual pump until my electric came in the mail. I would rush everyday to the NICU, first walking, then the subway, then more walking. I walked 2 miles everyday from day 2 of postpartum onward. I had my breast milk on ice in a bag. It was a race to the hospital to make it before the first feeding of the day after yesterdays supply would run out. I was barely making enough to cover all of his feedings and the amount going into the feeding tube continued to increase with no increase in my supply.
On day 2 of rushing my milk to the hospital, I go into the pumping room to make more and leave my milk, defrosting, on the shelf next to my son. I walk back in to see a nurse bringing a 6 pack of Similac Advanced to give him. She used the excuse that he needed to eat right then. Why would nurses prefer to give a NICU baby formula over breast milk?
Towards the end of his stay, on day 14, I heard a neurologist speak to the mother of the other baby in the room who was also there due to seizures. She asked the mother formula or breast milk? The mother said formula. The neurologist PRAISED her. Because the formula can be measured, it is more nutritious for the baby. This was a very personal insult for myself. I was exhausted from pumping every 2 to 3 hours round the clock to produce, but here was this doctor saying that breast milk is second best? Why did studies show that babies in the NICU who receive breast milk recover better? Why is it proven that any baby who receives breast milk for any period of time is less ill?
My quest for answers continued on.
Later that afternoon I was sitting in the lobby area of the NICU with my husband, finishing up our lunch. One of the receptionists noticed that magazines had been left on the coffee table and she told her coworker that magazine were not allowed. Why not? Because they might have formula advertisements and they wanted to encourage breastfeeding. My heart was put at ease. The coworker flipped through the pages, and noticed a formula advertisement. The receptionist stated that because it was a similac advertisement it was allowed since it is the ONLY formula on the market that does not cause colic.
I'm speachless. How is Similac any different than pharmaceutical brands? I don't think it's any different at all.
My son uses the generic and his pediatrician says they're all the same.
Enough said.
What formula is given? Similac Advanced.
Now the question is why?
My battle with Similac started when I was pregnant. It's very close to the same war I've had with Enfamil. One day I received full size containers of formula in the mail. I did not sign up for them and had intended on breast milk only.
Any mother who has breast fed knows that it's hard. And what could possibly be more tempting at 4am when you've had no sleep, your baby is starving and no end is in sight? That container of formula you tried to forget that you have.
My baby was transfered to a NICU away from the hospital I gave birth at, so I went home as quickly as possible. I used a manual pump until my electric came in the mail. I would rush everyday to the NICU, first walking, then the subway, then more walking. I walked 2 miles everyday from day 2 of postpartum onward. I had my breast milk on ice in a bag. It was a race to the hospital to make it before the first feeding of the day after yesterdays supply would run out. I was barely making enough to cover all of his feedings and the amount going into the feeding tube continued to increase with no increase in my supply.
On day 2 of rushing my milk to the hospital, I go into the pumping room to make more and leave my milk, defrosting, on the shelf next to my son. I walk back in to see a nurse bringing a 6 pack of Similac Advanced to give him. She used the excuse that he needed to eat right then. Why would nurses prefer to give a NICU baby formula over breast milk?
Towards the end of his stay, on day 14, I heard a neurologist speak to the mother of the other baby in the room who was also there due to seizures. She asked the mother formula or breast milk? The mother said formula. The neurologist PRAISED her. Because the formula can be measured, it is more nutritious for the baby. This was a very personal insult for myself. I was exhausted from pumping every 2 to 3 hours round the clock to produce, but here was this doctor saying that breast milk is second best? Why did studies show that babies in the NICU who receive breast milk recover better? Why is it proven that any baby who receives breast milk for any period of time is less ill?
My quest for answers continued on.
Later that afternoon I was sitting in the lobby area of the NICU with my husband, finishing up our lunch. One of the receptionists noticed that magazines had been left on the coffee table and she told her coworker that magazine were not allowed. Why not? Because they might have formula advertisements and they wanted to encourage breastfeeding. My heart was put at ease. The coworker flipped through the pages, and noticed a formula advertisement. The receptionist stated that because it was a similac advertisement it was allowed since it is the ONLY formula on the market that does not cause colic.
I'm speachless. How is Similac any different than pharmaceutical brands? I don't think it's any different at all.
My son uses the generic and his pediatrician says they're all the same.
Enough said.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Unfriendable
We spent a year and a half in NYC. When our time came to close, and we were about to move we had one final get together. A few friends showed up. At that moment we had not seen most of those who did arrive in a very long time. What struck me the strongest at the end of this night, was that the friends who came were friends that my husband had previous to my moving there.
What was wrong with me?
That question was pondered frequently during my time there because I never made any friends on my own in a year and a half. I take that back, I made two.
I became friends with my husband's friends but does that count?
What was broken inside of me? Was it a vibe I was giving?
When I lived in Florida I made friends everywhere I went and it was easy. Life was easy. The lowest point of my life was probably during my pregnancy when I became too sick to make it to work most days, my husband was unemployed, and I sat in a bedroom 24/7 because we did not have our own place. I lived in a city with 8 million people but none of them wanted to know me or let me know them. I was never more alone.
Now moving to Utica, I've made friends already. Some of which I'm seeing tomorrow, and then more I'm meeting up with next week.
Maybe I'm not broken. Maybe NYC is.
What was wrong with me?
That question was pondered frequently during my time there because I never made any friends on my own in a year and a half. I take that back, I made two.
I became friends with my husband's friends but does that count?
What was broken inside of me? Was it a vibe I was giving?
When I lived in Florida I made friends everywhere I went and it was easy. Life was easy. The lowest point of my life was probably during my pregnancy when I became too sick to make it to work most days, my husband was unemployed, and I sat in a bedroom 24/7 because we did not have our own place. I lived in a city with 8 million people but none of them wanted to know me or let me know them. I was never more alone.
Now moving to Utica, I've made friends already. Some of which I'm seeing tomorrow, and then more I'm meeting up with next week.
Maybe I'm not broken. Maybe NYC is.
Withdrawal symptoms
My son has been on the medication Phenobarbital since the day after he was born. And it has been quite the experience, a baby on narcotics.
He was asleep for the first week of his life, never having the energy to open his eyes. Then never being able to be awake for a feeding a week after that.
We have watched his development be stalled for the last 6 months. There are moments of sorrow, pity and guilt. The guilt is what will kill you.
What would I ask of those who hear my story?
It's nice if your child is developing "early" or "ahead", but remember to be thankful they are developing at all as some can't because of the obstacles in their path.
He was asleep for the first week of his life, never having the energy to open his eyes. Then never being able to be awake for a feeding a week after that.
We have watched his development be stalled for the last 6 months. There are moments of sorrow, pity and guilt. The guilt is what will kill you.
What would I ask of those who hear my story?
- Do not ask why I picked the hospital I did to deliver.
- Do not mention that you already heard bad stories of that place, and look with those eyes that I should have known better. Think to yourself that you should have been a better family member/friend and told me while I was pregnant.
- Do not complain of any healthy or society standard "normal" issue your baby has had to deal with. Such as circumcision or shots, or even trying to get them to sleep through the night.
It's nice if your child is developing "early" or "ahead", but remember to be thankful they are developing at all as some can't because of the obstacles in their path.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Introductions
Hello!
Welcome!
Let's dive right into the first topic.
I'm not special and neither are you. We all have the need to explain ourselves to others, seeking approval. We want others to know everything about us so we can receive praise and acceptance. Those who ask questions instead of talking about themselves are more likable for that exact reason.
Who are you? What would you want the world to know if you could have your words read by possibly everyone in the world?
This is why I'm blogging.
And that is my self indulgent introduction.
Here, this is a flopped rabbit for your time. She is judgmental.
Welcome!
Let's dive right into the first topic.
I'm not special and neither are you. We all have the need to explain ourselves to others, seeking approval. We want others to know everything about us so we can receive praise and acceptance. Those who ask questions instead of talking about themselves are more likable for that exact reason.
Who are you? What would you want the world to know if you could have your words read by possibly everyone in the world?
This is why I'm blogging.
And that is my self indulgent introduction.
Here, this is a flopped rabbit for your time. She is judgmental.
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